my dear;

and go my dear
its love you fear
love you behold
its before me fortold

now i see
the love we can be
how we remain
this love still the same

and search for heaven
the stregth we'll be given
hope will provide
the hurt will subside

and go my dear
its love you fear
go and behold
this love is fotold

and pray to the skys
the clouds pass by
ho0ld onto me
i find we are free

now go my dear
no need for fear
love is blind
my love is kind

we are strong
we've been all along
hold me show me
love.

just breathe

lately i've been letting all my stresses really eat at me and get to me. they appear every where and i see them in other areas of my life that i don't even think are related. i realized that as i'm stressing and allowing myself to feel this way i'm no longer in my place of love. i find that as i choose to be stressed i live more in a place of fear and of anger than of love. why let some little things that wont even matter in a week affect me so harshly at that moment? its not worth it. i live so i can experience life at its best, live, love, laugh, learn, why would i allow such small things to be of detriment to my beautiful life? thus i have learned to just breathe, just breathe and let it go. the more i practice this the easier it gets to just "get over it". i find that as i do this i feel well. i feel light, happy and free. yes i have alot on my plate, yes i do get a bit stressed.. i'm human. BUT, its my choice to stay in that energy of stress or to dwell on things that i have no control over. so i've learned that i can accept what is and just be. live in the moment freely and happily. living in every moment of life with a true genuine joyous smile because i know that i get to choose how i feel and what i am.

there you are.

the spiral of events that have occurred the past couple months have twisted and twirled me into the winds of a tornado cyclone. my heart has been stolen for all eternity. i can honestly say i have truly found the perfect person for me, my perfect soul mate, the love of my forever. he came suddenly. i looked at him 6 months ago and felt a deep connection, my heart instantly found a special place for him, confused at its reaction i figured that he was one of those people i just wanted to put in my pocket and take around with me places. the more i got to know him the more drawn to him i felt. the deep connection we had was perfect and so beautiful. i knew i loved him but in what way? for months i struggled with what it was about him that was so magnetic to me. there were so many incredible qualities that i saw in him yet i told myself that they were the qualities of a dear friend not anything more. i found myself shushing my heart as it would rapidly beat out of control in his presence. my heart was vulnerable in the palm of his hands. we became closer and started spending more and more time together. all the while in my mind where the words... "what. in. the. hell. he is a cowboy?!" never would i have ever imagined this, yet it was perfect for me. after repeatedly disconnecting my heart from my head and allowing my head to take control i thought i was okay and that i wasn't in fact in love with this stranger, someone i'd only known for a couple months but had been through intensive training with, i knew him by heart, however my brain was telling me that i still didn't really know him because of the frame of time that it had only been despite seeing him for who he truly was i fought it, thought i was to young. then one night it hit me like a load of bricks,a sledge hammer to my head, an airplane banner in the sky. i felt and knew that i was supposed to be with this man for eternity. there was no denying the feeling, the sign, the constant whispering in my heart. i knew it. plain and simple. i was angry because it was me that would get to be vulnerable and tell him. i didn't want to. i fought the feeling, i fought the prompting. i hated that it was me. then suddenly i felt it so strongly there was no way around saying it aloud to him. the second the sentence left my mouth the warmth filled the room with the breath of the words. he had known for weeks but had been fighting it as well. our holds tightened on one another and we knew and felt it so intensely it was nearly visible in the darkness of the room. the salt lake temple is now awaiting us. its perfect, i love him with all that i am forever and ever. i found him suddenly and love him fully, there you are my love i've been waiting.

simple, natural

a stone set into a motion can create small insignificant ripples that turn into powerful waves. each and everyone of us can create a different path, we can create a change. trail blaze our way to an authentic experience of ourselves. continue to feel the drive of unconditional love. simple, natural love. simple, natural beauty. free to feel the simple, natural state of being. emerge yourself in pure pure. feel the power of its all encompassing euphoria! love simple, natural.

musac ah ha #2

music has always been a huge part of my life. not the "omg i loveeee this song, britney is a serious genius' type of part in my life but a deeper part, its spiritual, inspiring and brilliant. for me the power of music comes from the level at which it allows the listener to escape from their self and invites him/her to move deeper into their being allowing them to become vulnerable, grow and heal themselves spiritually through inspiration and self awareness that certain genres of music can initiate (thank you dallin). to numerous individuals each genre may do something different for them. for example country makes me want to start bleeding out every orface of my face then saw off the toe of a wild poison toad a drink its blood. BUT to someone else country may initiate a sense of spirituality and assist them to feel what is really going on inside them. so thus even though i don't necessarily enjoy listening to country music i still can have an appreciation for it and how it may serve others. its also very interesting to me how each genre appeals to various individuals and how their perceptions turn each song into something they either love or despise in their little reality that they create. really each song uses basically the same notes on the piano, guitar, banjo, harmonica, harp, flute, etc... you could have sufjan stevens playing one of his complex genius symphonies in one ear and a mellow jose gonsalez acoustic in the other and appreciate each one in its own form. or loath each one to each their own. what i'm getting at is music is a powerful force good or bad. it is our choice to what we decide to make it. we allow what influences us into our minds, there is no place to blame other outside sources because everything that happens to us we are accountable for. thus the music that we allow to shape us may, in fact, be a mirror into our true self. just a fun thing to think about. what do we listen to most? what do we fail to listen to? what moves us? what inspires us? what genre does the most good for us? or are we unaware of which one it is. do we listen just to have noise? or do we listen to appreciate chords, lyrics, harmonies, and tempos? do we allow our selves to sink deeply into what the artist may have been portraying or are we so shallow to not even care to dive deeply in to this master crafted art work? i challenge all to take a deeper genuine approach to the music that they listen to and find out what it really means to them on a spiritual, intellectual and inspirational level so that we as a generation aren't so mindless.

ah ha moment #1....

i must have been swimming in the ocean of epiphanies today, it seemed as if they just kept flooding into my heart and head like mexican food floods to your arteries and hips... bless it. So one of the huge ah ha moments i had today was while i was in a bless-ed meeting with the bish... i've been reading two very great books that i definitely recommend, one being 'the miracle of forgiveness' by spencer w. kimball and the other being 'believing christ' by stephen e. robinson. both very, very amazing books. however having said that in my own opinion the miracle of forgiveness is knowledge, and believing christ gives you hope for that knowledge. you'd know what i mean if you read them... ANYWAY. on page 8 in 'believing christ' it states "it doesn't matter what you did. whatever it was, no matter how horrible or vile, is not the issue. the issue here is that whatever your sin was or is, i can erase it, i can clean you up and make you innocent, pure, and worthy, and i can do it today; i can do it now." holy cow. the atonement is so strong and i can seriously use it for anything, yet i take it for granted. yet how much our heavenly father loves us. he is so willing to forget and erase any sin that we have no matter how small or large it is. it was so humbling to me. the love of god is so pure that really he is always going to love us. no matter what. he loves us. i take for granted so much that i am blessed with every waking moment and yet he continues to bless me. i can only imagine what kind of blessings i could receive from him if i were to acknowledge every one that i already have. another thing that i take for granted are the gifts that i have. all of my talents and abilities that i share with the world, or that i hide. either way i have them. i have been blessed with a lot of them yet i shy away when others seek to be graced by them... nuts.. why hide a beautiful thing that the lord has so gracefully given me?? he is proud of his creation, me, and that includes everything that is in me. yet i hide some of them... hm... crazy right? any way... i just was overwhelmed when i realized that i can not even comprehend how much my father in heaven loves sinful me. each curve ball in life is just a sign that he knows i can handle it and he believes in my strength and ability. i am strong and have done, and am doing amazing things in life with his help. i love my savior with all my heart and i really am so grateful to him for every single thing in my life. yay for love, joy, innocence, and worth!!

i am a creator

how often i choose to fight for my own limitations. how often i opt out of things because i think that i am not worthy or that others are more deserving. i catch myself every day dwelling on things that could'a would'a should'a been. however i have come to the realization that i create everything in my life. the good, the bad, and the ugly. everything that has come to me in my life i have created in some way or another. i believe that this is why heavenly father chose to give us our agency, so we could be tested and create our life. thus i am a creator. with this title comes so much responsibility that i am well deserving of. i create love in my life, happiness, joy, compassion, innocence, worth, trust, inspiration, authenticity, liberation, power, passion, brilliance, freedom, abundance, acceptance, radiance, leadership, nurturing,and so much more. my life is my canvas, the lord will intercept here and there and create the strokes that he knows are best fitting for me. if i drown myself in his pure love and look to him for assistance in erasing a stroke here or there he will. other than that, this is my canvas, no one can splash paint that i don't allow to be splashed. with my gifts i can touch and inspire people in my life. i create joy for them and empowerment through the true pure love that i can give and receive. life is our canvas and mine is what i have decided to create, mine has black spots of hurt and pain but it also has radiant colors of yellow, turquoise, purple, orange, aqua, white... so much color, so much love, so many experiences. painted.