tear drops frowned upon, broken hearts buried, rejection rejected. so many times i figure that shutting out my true feelings is a normal thing to do. its better that i shut down and forget about hurt... become a robot. robots, they don't have to feel pain, hurt, emotions. they are what they are. steel, metal, emotionless boxes. i'm no robot. i am real, i feel pain, hurt, however with this i get to have opposition i get to feel joy, freedom, love and worth. i am worthy, loving and free. no one can take that away from me. i create so many gifts for this world, innocence, joy, freedom, worth,courage, gratitude, hope, peace, empowerment. these amongst so many others are what the lord has given me. i am talented, beautiful, and gifted. i deserve only the best, i deserve to give and receive love easily. i deserve to be able to experience vulnerability for the best, i get to have my walls broken, torn down, burned,i want you to see me. don't let me hold back my greatness, call me out on it. as i find myself crawling into my old, dark, sad, miserable well... take my hand, show me light. i know its there, i just sometimes want to forget. why do i despise feelings? because when i feel, i know i'm real, i know that i am not perfect, i know i have battle scars, fresh wounds, tear streaks, unsaid words, a shattered, torn-up, sloppily pieced together heart. this is real. feelings are real. every single one. real. i feel real. so real i despise it. no mask, no façade, no wall can hide me. as much as i resent this at the same time i am so grateful for it. i get to know that i am. i live. i breath. i feel. i am.
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